I blog the summer smash hit Sharknado while I watch

Spoilers from here on out I guess. Let’s get weird.

WTF is that Kelly Osborne? In purple hair? Well she doesn’t look awful I suppose. I think that is the alarm of an official D movie. Oh never mind we got a close up and heard her speak.

Is Ian Zerring playing his character from 90210 in these Sharknado movies? I can’t tell a difference.

Oh wait I recognize the pilot. But I have no fucking idea his name. Let me go check. *Pauses and looks* His name is Robert Hayes who was Ted Striker on the 1980 episode of Airplane. Shit this means I’ll have to be on the lookout deep for cameos, I had a negative all of the chance in the world of guessing that name.

I’m pretty sure that was Wil Wheaton on the plane in a millisecond shot. And Osborne’s head just got bit off by a shark fuck ya! Bye Robert Hayes. Yep it was Wheaton and yep he is now dead.

Tara Reid is awful, I’m sorry I went this long without mentioning that to everyone. Tara Reid lost a hand! This bitch won’t die.

Credits Vivica A. Fox, Mark McGrath…………..ok then. Today show now. Andy Dick, & now Downtown Julie Brown. What the fuck is going on here? Kelly Rippa and Michael Strahan. Wow these fuckers have really made it, the makers of Sharknado I mean. BILLY RAY CYRUS!

Tara Reid, ‘Acting’. “That shark had a scar I shot it in the eye & it kept coming I swear it knew who I was.”

Oh sweet I finally learned how to add pictures to blogs. Game changer! First commercial break, whew let’s catch our breath, check for stupid spelling errors. I have a feeling this is going to be long. If you keep reading you must be bored or well bored & I love you for it. Fin, his fucking name is Fin, like really?

A taxi driver who was a taxi driver on the show Taxi. Brilliant casting. *Looks up his name* Judd Hirsch, I can at least recognize these guys but don’t know the names. New York Mets winning a game? Must be a movie.

Richard King as a 7 time all-star second baseman. HA! I miss sharks, I need more sharks. HA that was def not Ian Zerring running up those stairs.

Battle of the 5 heads Ian Zerring vs Vivica A. Fox! SHARKS! Right before a commercial, I want to fast forward, but I want to go pee. Well let’s hope I don’t pee my pants from excitement, fast forward it is. Good things Mets stadium only had like 1000 fans. I really have to pee, hurry up commercial.

 

This is a giant shark eating a giant gator eating a man in a sewer. In other words don’t go to New York.

That was best shot I could do, pretty sick. Perez Hilton, and Jared from Subway eating Subway under a Subway sign……was that a commercial? Hilton died bravo! Commercial not a moment to soon! So we are about half way through, we need more sharks.

Oh look it’s that FUBU guy Daymond John taking a break from shark tank to appear. I tell ya. Oh bye John. Statue of Liberty head like a bowling ball? Boss. BIZ MARKIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

A lot of fuckery is going on. Damn you taxi driver and your fake leg. No swinging across. Hahahha, Ian just jumped on sharks to get across the flooded streets. Hahahahahahaha I’m dying here.

A preview for Z Nation. With a bunch of people I recognize, I wondered when a show sort of like The Walking Dead would finally hit TV. Well I think this is it, fuck I’ll of course probably watch the first couple episodes because I have a zombie killing boner for The Walking Dead.

Because we all know you want to see him jump on sharks. Don’t mind the probably pre-made tweets that they put up.

Romance plot with Fox because, blah blah blah in the elevator.

I realize now that blogging a show is basically like talking to yourself, I think I can get used to this. It’s like an introverts paradise.

Vivica A Fox doing her best Michonne from the Walking Dead with a sword just slanging sharks in mid air. Oh it’s sling shot time with bombs into twisters. lol

WHY ARE PEOPLE STILL WALKING ON THE STREETS! IT’S FUCKING SHARK TWISTERS YOU MORONS!!!! Are New Yorkers usually this stupid? Double sharknado going towards the Empire State building to merge with a sharknado to create the mega sharknado of biblical proportions. Oh man when you think it can’t get better.

The Tigers just acquired David Price. FUCKERS!

KURT ANGLE WILL SAVE THE WORLD WITH A DAMN FREAKING BROKEN NECK! WOOOOHOOO! IT’S TRUE IT’S DAMN TRUE!!!! Sorry I got to excited to even know what role he was playing.

“If you don’t come back I’ll kill you.” Some random chick whose name I didn’t get. Ian’s face was like, ‘jokes on you I’d be dead bitch!’

Tara Reid with a freaking blade arm! WHAT? Let me get a picture!

Tara obviously also watched The Walking Dead with Merle. Winning!

Yes this just happened, and it was glorious!

I have no idea what Ian is rigging together but with less than 10 minutes left of course it is going to work. Pretty sure Fox just died.

It’s raining sharks, holy fuck balls. Everyone is still on the street, idiots. In the middle of a tornado Ian catches a chain saw because plot. This awesome guy just turned on chain saws and threw them in the tornado! Fucking amazing. I forgot to mention super soakers loaded with lighter fluid and fire to make flame throwers because of course.

Well whew, what a ride, the city wins, sharks lose. Time for lunch. Until next time this has been total fucking randomness!